Speaking to the Dead: What Trauma & Ancestry Teach Us

Generational Trauma and Speaking to the Dead

One of my favorite go-to responses to "Tell us about yourself" is: I talk to dead people. The reactions are always priceless.

Or there was the time in DBT group when I casually mentioned, "I hear voices" and then immediately scrambled to add, "Not like that! I promise not like that! This probably isn't the best place for me to say I hear voices!" Cue snorts from the group. Humor aside, there’s something real here—something sacred. Let’s talk about the link between trauma and ancestors, because this shit is gamechanging when you’re on the path of self-discovery.

Nature vs. Nurture

It's both. Of course our environment impacts who we are, but so do our caregivers—and the wounds they carry. Ryan Light, a somatic coach, published an article discussing the long-term impact absent parents have on our self-esteem (Light, n.d.). That kind of emotional absence isn't just something you shake off. It's something you internalize.

The DBT program I’m currently in is adapted from Marsha Linehan’s DBT Skills Training Manual, Second Edition (Linehan, 2015). One of the first concepts we covered was the list of “assumptions.” When I first read them, I called bullshit. But a couple modules in, I started to really sit with one of them: People are doing the best they can.

Let’s talk about this. If you have PTSD, this might resonate: when we’re in fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode, we do things that don’t make sense. (Like avoiding a highway after a car crash. You know it’s irrational, but your nervous system disagrees.) Your brain’s top priority is to keep you alive, not to keep you logical (GreyMatters Studio, n.d.).

You might be thinking, "There’s no way my neglectful parent did their best."

I said the same thing.

But maybe—just maybe—their brain decided that shutting down or checking out was the safest option they knew. That doesn’t make it okay. It just offers an explanation. And that’s the birthplace of generational trauma. We are databases of inherited behavior. And sometimes, we carry programming from people who never got the chance to heal.

Wait-Trauma Is Genetic?

Kind of. Psychology is still ironing out the kinks, but here’s what we know: trauma may not be passed down like eye color, but its effects sure as hell are. Studies following descendants of Holocaust survivors report symptoms like sudden fear responses—even to things like showering, despite having no direct traumatic experience with water (Maggio, 2017).

"The body keeps the score" is a popular phrase in trauma psychology. I prefer: "The body never forgets."

While researching my Slavic, Nordic, and Celtic pagan roots, I had so many "aha" moments. When I learned I descend directly from both the Revolutionary and Civil Wars, I suddenly understood why I’ve always cared so deeply about veterans. My body remembers.

As I write my shadow work novel, I often feel like my ancestors are writing it, too. Plot points appear out of nowhere, full of grief and fire. I let them bleed through. I let them speak.

Is Being Psychic a "Special Gift"?

Royalty free image "Chakra and lotus position bokeh effect" by pikisuperstar at FreePik.com

Personally? I don’t think so.

I’ve always had good intuition and sensitivity to energy shifts, but I believe everyone is capable of reaching the other side. It starts with mindfulness—the art of being fully present.

Have you ever been so focused on a task that you became one with it? That’s mindfulness. That’s the gateway.

Start by grounding your root chakra (base of spine). Sit or lie comfortably and focus only on that energy. Visualize red light, feel its strength.

To connect with ancestors, I use my third eye chakra (between the eyebrows). When it activates, you might feel dizzy or “trippy.” Bonus points if your crown chakra (top of head) tingles—your spiritual antenna. Think of the third eye as the radio dial, and the crown as the antenna pulling in the signal.

When I’m working on Ancestry.com I pay attention to who might be calling me. It's like Spotify. Who will I connect to today? I feel a connection to many of them and their stories, like I understand. Maybe even like I was there. Sometimes I somehow stumble upon a record database that leads me to a record I spent months searching for. That’s not coincidence. That’s connection.

Visible Magazine wrote a stunning article about channeling resilience from our ancestors (Zeldin, 2024). I may not descend from the Holocaust, but I come from a bloodline that knows suffering—and chose authenticity over silence. Baptists who were burned at the stake. Their descendants who were fined, imprisoned, and exiled. West Prussian communes who practiced Slavic-coded lifestyles. They survived. And now, through me, they speak.

How It All Comes Together

Even though I never knew my ancestors while they were alive, I feel them. I love them. I hear their pain. I know their joy. (The Revolutionary patriots have been very loud this year.)

I’ve learned so much about myself through ancestral research. I descend from women who weren’t allowed to vote but still held social clout. From rulebreakers who were still respected. From survivors who whispered: keep going.

My trauma makes more sense in the context of what they endured.

The body never forgets. And neither does the soul.

📚 Sources & References

Light, R. (n.d.). Absent mother impact. BeatAnxiety. https://beatanxiety.me/absent-mother-impact-relationships/#:~:text=Behavioral%20Indicators%20of%20an%20Absent%20Mother's%20Impact:&text=Anxiety%20and%20Abandonment%20Fears:%20The,mother%20dynamic%20in%20other%20relationships

Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press. https://archive.org/details/dbtskillstrainin0000line_z3v6/mode/2up

GreyMatters Studio. (n.d.). The brain on stress: Why your brain reacts the way it does to anxiety and mental health struggles. https://greymatters.studio/anxiety-brain-mental-health-stress/#:~:text=Your%20brain's%20top%20priority%20is,anything%20it%20considers%20a%20threat

Maggio, M. (2017). Intergenerational trauma in the descendants of Holocaust survivors: A meta-synthesis. Genealogy, 2(4), 49. https://www.mdpi.com/2313-5778/2/4/49

Zeldin, R. (2024). How the grandchildren of Holocaust survivors can shift from trauma to resilience. Visible Magazine. https://visiblemagazine.com/how-the-grandchildren-of-holocaust-survivors-can-shift-from-trauma-to-resilience/

This blog is part of my journey through shadow work, ancestry, DBT, and the spiritual gifts we all carry—especially when we dare to listen.